【幽默集】Rules of Marriage (婚姻之道)

我想每個人都同意 : 「相愛容易相處難」。男女朋友交往時眼中所看到的盡是對方的美與好，但結婚後卻完全不同了，所以也難怪有人會說婚姻是愛情的墳場。

但是關於愛情婚姻的秘笈，我們又可以從小孩子的身上學得多少呢? 遠超過你所想像的。以下我想轉載一篇朋友寄給我的一封 email。本文的原作者為何人我暫時無法考究，但是為了讓更多的朋友分享到這篇有趣的文章，我將原文稍作翻譯，希望還算貼切。

◎ HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (你如何決定該跟誰結婚?)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
– Alan, age 10
你該找一個與你臭味相投的人。比方說，如果你喜歡看體育競賽節目的話，她就應該高興你喜歡體育競賽節目，而且(在你看球賽的時候)會把玉米片和沾醬不停地端上來給你吃。(嗯，這個小子想得還蠻美的嘛!)
– 艾倫, 十歲

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry . God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
– Kristen, age 10
沒有人真的在長大以前就決定好他們以後要跟誰結婚。上帝很早前就決定好了，我們只是等著日後發現自己這輩子要跟誰綁在一起。
– 克莉絲汀, 十歲

◎ WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? (幾歲是「適婚年齡」呢?)
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
– Camille, age 10
二十三歲是結婚的最恰當年齡，因為到那個時候你已經認識對方一輩子了。
– 卡蜜兒, 十歲

◎ HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? (一個陌生人要如何辨識某兩個人是不是一對夫妻呢?)
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
– Derrick, age 8
你可能得猜一下，看看他們是不是好像都在罵著同樣的小孩子。(哈哈哈…說得太妙了!)
– 德瑞克, 八歲

◎ WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? (你覺得你的爸爸、媽媽有什麼共同之處?)
Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8
他們兩個人都不想再有孩子了。
– 蘿莉, 八歲

◎ WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? (大部份的人約會時都做什麼呢?)
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8
約會應該是為了讓人尋求樂趣的。人們應該利用約會時聊天互動的機會來認識彼此。只要你有耐心，聽得夠久的話，即使男孩子也可能言之有物。
– 琳妮, 八歲

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10
第一次約會的時候，大家都會欺騙對方，跟對方說謊。這樣通常就會讓對方對你感興趣，願意再與你約會。(這孩子也未免太早熟了吧!)
– 馬丁, 十歲

◎ WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? (如果你的第一次約會搞砸了，你會怎麼做?)
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
– Craig, age 9
我會趕快跑回家裝死。隔天，我會打電話給各家報社，確定他們在訃聞欄裡都刊登了我的死訊。
– 克雷格, 九歲

◎ WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? (什麼時候才可以親吻對方呢?)
When they’re rich.
– Pam, age 7
當對方成為有錢人的時候。
– 潘, 七歲

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- – Curt, age 7
法律規定要十八歲的時候才可以，所以我可不想違法。
– 科特, 七歲

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– Howard, age 8
規矩是這樣子的 : 如果你親了一個人，就應該跟他結婚生子。這樣做才是對的。
– 浩爾, 八歲

◎ IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? (到底是結婚好還是單身好?)
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
– Anita, age 9
女孩子最好是單身，但男孩子就不同了。男孩子們需要有人在後面幫他們收拾東西。(這是在說老聶吧?)
– 安妮塔, 九歲

◎ HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED? (假如人們都不結婚的話，這個世界會有什麼變化?)
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
– Kelvin, age 8
(這世界上)會有很多小孩子等著人家來解釋(他們是怎麼來的)，不是嗎?
– 凱文, 八歲

And the #1 Favorite is……..(最受歡迎的第一名是…)

◎ HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? (你該如何經營你的婚姻呢?)
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
– Ricky, age 10
跟你的太太說她很漂亮，即使她明明看起來像一台垃圾車。(孺子可教也!)
– 瑞奇, 十歲

※ 紅字部份純為我個人的註解，與原文無關。

《同樣的這一天，我寫過....》